The Art of Parenting(2) -Suki Sivam

The Art of Parenting (2) -Suki Sivam

contd.....

The kid comes from the genes of the parents. He talks about the husband wife relationship which is the foundation for the kid and his/her character.

1) For a good psychological development of a kid, parents shouldn't fight or argue in front of the kids ever, as they cant concentrate in studies nor the play, due to the emotional disturbances. Even during the classes, consciously or subconsciously the images during the fight plays on continuously in their minds.

2) He requests the parents to keep their fights private as we maintain our intimacy private, keeping the kids away from them. Its an important thing to bear in mind. He reveals the root causes for the fights between a husband and a wife.

a)EGO:

Who has to listen to whom first. The couple should be like 50:50. That clarity, that concept if developed there wont be any misunderstandings between each other. Both together should become 100 and not 100 individually. If we are 100% than, there is no necessity of  marriage. Husband and wife are complimentary to each other. The essence of marital relationship is that one cannot live without their spouse.

b) EXPECTATIONS:

When the expectations don't match, it leads to misunderstandings and fights. Preset notions has to be broken and reality have to be seen. One has to understand each other, and the expectations that's practically impossible has to be discarded. " Life is not composed of the expected events, the unexpected events are the essence of the real life. Our behavior during those unexpected events, is our wisdom. Overcoming the life tests and succeeding is life. Its a false belief that only women has to understand men's expectations and men need not.Both has to understand each other and each other's expectations.

A beautiful example  he gives. When a wife asks her husband, " Have you ever asked me, if I have eaten food or not"? Surprised husband said, " I    ,"myself"  eating from your efforts. Why and how can I ask you?".  Its a small expectation of a wife. That gives an idea of simple expectations. A husband can move towards the wife's expectations and the wife can move towards the husband's expectations and they can ignore the practically impossible expectations. That would reduce and remove the gap between the husband and wife.

c) LOVE LIFE:

The secret of successful life is the love life. One has to satisfy the spouse, the opposite person, instead of satisfying themselves. More than satisfying self, making the spouse happy and satisfied is the real success of a married life. Theres a common word that tamil people refer to marriage but in real its the kid that is called by that term "kaal kattu". The real meaning of kaal kattu he reveals as kaal kattu- kaal is air , prana and apanan both seal and the kid is conceived.

d) NEUTRAL:

A man has to be a man and a woman has to be a woman, that's a nature secret for successful life. Not only in the hormones, the thoughts, the life styles, there's a drastic change in each other, so that they become a neutral pole and there's no attraction between each other.

The parents, who want to get divorced, don't think of the kids, that has been created out of the bondage, they don't think of the consequences that affect the child's psychology.  Every father (parent) has a responsibility or a true concern towards their sons (kids). An instance he gives here, where a man was fixing the tiles in the hot sun , not minding his father's cries to do it later. The old man immediately, brings in the baby boy , sleeping in the crib, and puts it in the hot sun. The man immediately gets down and shouts at his father for his act. The old man explains, " As you couldn't bear your son suffering in the hot sun, so could I . To make you realize this, I had to do so." 

The intention, purpose changes right immediately after the kid is born.

Now its just for the sake of the kid , for the successful upbringing of the kid, the parent lives.

Its just the parents who would spend everything that's earned throughout the whole life for the sake of the welfare of the kid.

Disciplining the kid is mandatory and parents shouldn't hesitate. Parents who don't discipline the kids at the appropriate times, would be punished at later times. He narrates a story that he told his daughter to explain about the truth behind disciplining the kid.

He says about the sculptor story to remove the unwanted to bring out the divine nature in us.

its not only the pain of the stone, but also the chisel(parent) along with the pains while taking blows, feels for the pains of the stone too, and it wont stop until it brings the divine nature from the stone( kid).

A FEW TIPS TO PARENTING:

He gives a wonderful idea of FAMILY MEETING. As a company which has meeting everyday to monitor the happenings and improvements and agenda, so a family can do the same.

* Discussing the family goals with the bodies in the family ( wife, kids)

* Parents should not impose their own dreams on the kids.

* A kid if he/she pursues something that they are least interested, because of parents forcing, they cannot shine or succeed in the chosen field.

* Parents should find the taste, the attitude, kid's dreams and encourage them in those lines.

* A true parent will not expect from kids.

(whatever we spend and do for our kids, they may not repay to the parents but they would do to their own kids)

* Kids cannot be blamed , its the parents and their upbringing.

A true responsibility of a parent is to up-bring the kid in a good way. Lets not expect anything from our kids.

He gives an example of Emporer Sivaji's upbringing.

When a woman was offered as a special gift, he went and saw the woman and said, " you are beautiful". On hearing the comment from another man , the lady felt ashamed and put her heads down. He said" he would have been beautiful too" had he been born to her and ordered his men to take her back to her place safely.

History praises Sivaji's mom for her upbringing and nurtured this kind of value in Sivaji. There's a belief too, that mom's happiness is heaven and father's anger is hell. Parents are great, every kid has to realize and without kids there's no life, parents have to realize.

He concludes with a A GREAT QUOTE  " EVERY kid when takes birth is a good one, it all depends on mother's upbringing , the kid becomes good or 'bad' "

A family is a lovable organisation where love is in the center and where spouse live for each other.

Every home has to be an ANANDA NILAYAM , THEN GOD HIMSELF WILL MANIFEST AT THAT HOME.

When we  truly love somebody we would not know/find the mistakes they do.

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